WORKER'S PRIDE

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~ Welcome to Heartwarmers ~
http://www.heartwarmers.com
The best thing to happen to mornings since the Sun!

Your morning thought for the day:
Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your
child will be going back to school the next day.
It would have been called Independence Day,
but that name was already taken.
-- Bill Dodds


The spectacular Olympics are over. The hoopla of the political
conventions has begun. The kids are headed back to school and the
Labor Day holiday is upon us.
Did summer just come and go?

____________________________________________


WORKER'S PRIDE
by Joseph Walker

It has always struck me as more than just a little bit ironic
that every year about this time America pays tribute to her working
men and women by not working.
Not that I'm complaining. I appreciate a day off as much as the
next worker bee. It's just the logic that throws me. I mean, on
Thanksgiving we actually give thanks. On Christmas we celebrate a
gift from God by giving gifts ourselves. On Easter we observe
another divine gift by eating multi-colored eggs that were supposedly
delivered by a rabbit.
OK, so the logic of Easter eludes me, too.
Still, it stands to reason that if we are going to celebrate
America's workers, there ought to be something... you know...
laborious about it. And no, I'm not talking about the effort it
requires to pack a picnic lunch, or to go camping or boating or any
of the pastimes we work so hard at enjoying during the long weekend.
I'm talking about sweating. Toiling. Working.
You know -- laboring.
Mom and Dad understood the concept. Around our house, Labor Day
was just that -- a day to labor. I don't remember any Labor Day
picnics or parties or barbecues. We'd just had a full summer for
that. Labor Day meant that school was back in session and it was
time to work.
And so we did. We prepared the garden bed for winter. We
pruned fruit trees. We bottled peaches and tomatoes until the inside
of our house was thick with steam and aroma. Sometimes there were
special projects that we didn't finish during the summer: painting
the trim around the house; taking out an old, dead stump; planting
new grass in that patch of dirt in the middle of the lawn that we
used as home plate during spirited games of whiffle ball.
For me, however, the job was always the same: mowing, edging and
raking the lawn. As the youngest of eight children, I always got the
easiest -- and most boring -- duty.
"It's not fair!" I protested one Labor Day. "I do the lawn all
summer. Why can't somebody else do it today?"
"Because everyone else already has a job," Mom said.
So much for labor negotiations.
A late summer trip had interrupted regularly scheduled lawn care
that year, and our yard looked it. The grass was tall and thick --
especially the edges. I shuddered. Dad didn't believe in power
mowers or edgers, so this would require hours of back-breaking,
wrist-snapping, energy-sapping labor.
What a way to spend Labor Day, huh?
Don't ask me how, but I survived the ordeal. I was tired from
pushing the mower up and down the slope of our front lawn. My
fingers ached from squeezing Dad's rusty grass clippers. And I was
itchy from the grass that seemed to cover me. But for some reason,
as I sat out on the front porch looking out over the aesthetic
results of my labors, none of that mattered. I was weary, but
content. And I wasn't sure why until Mom came out with the lemonade.
"That's why we have you mow the lawn," she said as she handed me
a tall, cool glass. "You do such a good job."
In retrospect, I'm sure other lawns in our neighborhood looked
as good as ours. Maybe better. But that night I was King Lawnboy,
and all was right in my carefully clipped kingdom.
I've never forgotten the feeling of satisfaction that came from
a job well done. That's the feeling we ought to celebrate on Labor
Day, for much of what we are as a nation we owe to the efforts of
workers who are willing to work, and who take pride in the results of
their labors.
So do something laborious this Labor Day, and savor the
privilege and blessing of work.
'Tis the season, you know.

-- Joseph Walker

____________________________________________
Joe is a Heartwarmer Gem and lives in Utah.
____________________________________________

THE WANDERER

~ Welcome to Petwarmers ~
http://www.petwarmers.com


They say "all's well that ends well." Fortunately for Wanda, a
horrendous situation was rectified and she lived a life surrounded by
love and attention.
Let's hope her story becomes a reality for the countless pets
who are neglected.

___________________________________________


THE WANDERER
by Marilyn Jacobson

He got the puppy when she was small enough to fit in a shoe box.
He named her Wanda because she tended to wander off at odd times
and the name just sort of fit.
Wanda was a fur ball of golden hair, not a Lab, not a Retriever
-- just a dog. Wanda grew and flourished in his care. She lay by
his side of the bed when it was bedtime. She got up early in the
morning with him if he had an early flight to wherever his job was
taking him that week. Wanda was his buddy and she missed him
horribly when he was gone.
His wife at the time was supposed to take care of Wanda when he
was away, but he knew as soon as he got home from his trips that
Wanda had not been properly taken care of by her actions when she saw
him.
"Wanda was a bad dog," the wife said. "She scratched the back
door up and made messes in the house." He knew the reason Wanda was
"bad." She was not let out to do her business and was not fed and
cared for properly. He knew it was not a good situation for her, but
his job called him away almost every week. He prayed that someone
would decide to take an interest in her while he was gone and tried
his best to make up for lost time when he returned.
His marriage fell apart. It had been building for years, but
the time finally came when he had to get out or go insane. He packed
what he could and moved away to another home -- another beginning.
He wanted so badly to take Wanda with him, but there was no
where to keep her at his new home. He left her behind with tears
running down his face, hoping for the best for her. His daughter
said she would care for her. It was the best he could do at the time.
The wife called a month later. "You have to take Wanda away
from here. I cannot afford to feed her and care for her. She is
just too much trouble."
By this time, Wanda had grown into a large dog. She was no
trouble when he was there for her. But she needed a new home.
He made arrangements to pick her up. When he got to his old
house, he was shocked at the condition she was in. She had no hair
on her back half and she had been starved to practically skin and
bones. He was so angry to find that someone could be so cruel to
treat an animal like this. He packed her in his truck and once again
drove away with tears running down his face -- not from sadness but
from anger. She had never deserved to be treated this way. It was
unthinkable that someone could be so cold.
He took her to his new home. He set a bowl of water and a huge
bowl of food down for her and she devoured it in minutes. He took
her to the vet and found that she was so infested with fleas that she
had scratched away most of her hair. The vet prescribed medication
and said to get her on a good healthy diet. She would come back from
this but the scars would remain.
Wanda is now 86 pounds and a lovable speed-bump. She lies on
the floor at his feet and at the side of the bed when it's bedtime.
Her name is still fitting. She is content to spend the rest of her
days with him.
And he will make sure she has everything she needs to help her
into her sunset days. Other animals have come into his life, but
Wanda is and always will be his "buddy."

-- Marilyn Jacobson

___________________________________________
Marilyn and her husband Art live in NW Iowa and are active with a
local animal rescue organization. This story was submitted in memory
of their dog, Wanda, who passed away July 31, 2008. Her furry
sisters and brothers; Sandi, Nikki, Charlie and Jonah miss her
sorely, as do Art and Marilyn.
___________________________________________

Monday's here! Grr

Myspace Monday Graphics

Hi Everyone,

My weekend was fine but TJ, my son is not. Poor kid is sick with sore throat and didn't feel well. I have been tending to him and fixing him soups and bringing him drinks to keep him hydrated. Now He is back at his father's house for the week. I only hope it is not serious. :(

It had gotten hot again and I am not real happy about it. :( I really can't wait for Fall to be here! I am SO looking forward to cool nights. Seriously. LOL. I will be happy when it is here! hehe! Hard to believe that Summer is almost over. School had started and Labor day is upon us already. Dang! Before long Halloween will be here which is my favorite Holiday. I don't know what I will dress up this year. I gotta find something, LOL. Any suggestions? hehe! :P

Well for Labor Day weekend- I don't know what we will plan to do- maybe go swimming and have a cook out or something. I will figure something out. I know it is this weekend. LOL. Kinda last minute, oh well! Lmao! Remember I like to take one day at a time. so :P heheh!

I guess I will stop for now so hope all of you have a great week! Take care and have a great afternoon! :)

As always,
Ginger :)

SIR WINSTON

~ Welcome to Petwarmers ~
http://www.petwarmers.com

After losing a loved one, P.S. happened upon a special dog in an
animal shelter close to home. We think many of you can relate to
what happened next.

___________________________________________


SIR WINSTON
by P.S. Gifford

For everyone considering bringing a four legged creature into
their family, I urge you to please visit a shelter.
Recently I had to put my beloved Tasha, a gorgeous
Shepherd/Collie mix to sleep, as her kidneys had shut down. I was
gutted and the last thing on my mind was bringing a new dog into my
life.
However, on Saturday we ended up at Orange County Animal
Shelter. Seeing the number of Shepherd mixes there tore at my heart
strings. I thought about bringing one of them home. But, somewhere
deep inside of me, I knew that would be an attempt to replace Tasha,
and she was irreplaceable.
It was in one of the last cages we saw a dog huddled at the back
as far away from the front bars as possible. Most dogs are eager to
be up front as you walk by, but not this dog.
We read that he was a two year old stray called Benji. They had
him down as a Bearded Collie. Eventually, after a little coaxing, we
encouraged him to come and say hello. He was a bundle of overgrown
matted fur, but inside that fur were two little eyes peering up at
me. There was a level of sadness and desperation in those eyes I had
not seen in a long time.
I wanted to meet with him but because the shelter was closing
soon the visitation area had been closed. We went back to the office
and waited in line to get as much information on Benji as we could.
However, we decided that it wasn't fair to our other dog Chester,
another rescue, and that we needed to re-consider the whole thing.
My fifteen year old son started to tear up.
That night at home our thoughts kept going back to Benji. By
the time Sunday morning rolled around we had not only made up our
mind to adopt him, but we had renamed him.
He was going to be Sir Winston.
We raced down to the shelter and this time we got to meet him.
He looked even more pitiful than we remembered. His coat was an
abysmal mess. After visiting for him for a couple of minutes we knew
we were making the right decision. With our hearts all racing we
went back to the office to complete the paperwork.
We had already made an appointment to get him groomed that
afternoon. But there was a snag -- he still needed to be neutered.
We were disheartened a little but understanding. We were advised
that it would be up to ten days.
On the way back home we made a stop at the pet store and loaded
up the cart. New bed, collar, leash, bowls, etc. It was at 7:30pm
that same night we received the phone call.
Sir Winston had been cleaned up and operated on and would be
ready the following morning. We were also advised that they now
considered him to be a Lhasa Opso. We were overcome with excitement!
The next morning, after a few hours of restless sleep, my son
and I went back to the shelter. The girl in the office took our
information and clicked on the screen. Her eyes lit up with joy.
"You are not going to recognize him!" she said excitedly.
Minutes later we watched as a dog, appearing half the size of
the one we had adopted, we being carried out. They were the same
eyes as I had seen yesterday, only now the sadness was gone!
Despite coming in at a meager 11 pounds, Sir Winston dragged us
out of there. It was like a completely different dog! The shelter
had done him proud. They had to shave him completely, except his
face, which they neatly trimmed and cleaned up. He is absolutely
adorable.
That was a couple of days ago, and since then, Sir Winston
quickly made himself at home. He is an extremely mellow and highly
affectionate little dog. Chester, who is eight time his size, took
to him immediately.
As I work from home, Sir Winston never leaves my side. As I
type, he is snoring away underneath my office chair. Though there
could only be one dog as special as Tasha, we also know now there is
only one dog as special as Sir Winston.

-- P. S. Gifford

___________________________________________
You can visit P.S.'s website here: http://www.psgifford.com/home.html
___________________________________________

got this via email... Hope you all have a nice day! :)

Rainy Tuesday

Hi everyone,

Yep it is raining! Weird August but I AM LOVING IT. heh! It look like October weather is here because it's been in mid 80's and 60's at night time. 2 nights ago it was 58 degrees. UNBELIVABLE! It does help so much because my a/c is broken so you can imagine me being a bitch. Stay away from me! Beware!!! LOL. Just kidding. Hey Mother Nature- Cool weather PLEASE STAY!!! :) I LOVE YOU!!!! haha! :P

Just let you know I am physcially ok but tired as I didn't sleep well the last few nights due to insomina. Even though I went to doctor yesterday and got my medicine. My dr said it will help me to sleep. It didn't do the job! :( I have to go back to doctor in 2 weeks for the follow up care. It is kinda too soon to see if this will help me especially with my depression and insomina. So wait and see! Of course I will keep you all updated ok? :)

I noticed that Arkansas doesn't have Deaf coffee Chats? There is one in Fort Smith but not have one in Central Arkansas? Oh dang! So I decided to go ahead and set it up for fun and see if everyone will come and join. It is in Yahoo groups called DeafCoffeeArkansas. Maybe this will be a ritual. I hope. It would be good to see everyone even once a month to see what is up and all that. For those of you who read this- Please spread the words, Thank you. :)

TJ started school yesterday and I was told he like his teacher and school so all is good. :) I can't wait to hear all of the details Friday when I see him. I hope he is having fun. :)

I hope all of you have a great day! Take care!

As always,
Ginger :)

New Pictures are up...

Hi everyone!

I went to Clinton, AR yesterday afternoon to meet a friend and we went out to eat at a restaurant. Afterward the dinner we went to the city park to look around. My friend asked if it's ok that he can take the pictures of me. I said sure go ahead. I think he had fun doing it. LOL. It was an awesome ending to the meeting. Beautiful sunset and a gorgeous day. What more could I ask for? heh! To think it's gonna rain all day and my friend said nah it won't. He was right about that. LOL! heh! I had a great time. :) I hope you will enjoy the pics. Here is the link to my photos. :)

http://s21.photobucket.com/albums/b268/Smile4ginger/Taken%20at%20Clinton%20AR%20Aug%2012/

Thank you sweetie for sending me the pictures. You are the best! :)

I hope all of you have a great night!
As always,
Ginger :)

Rainy Weekend...

Can you believe it is raining in August? Yes I am not kidding! Wow! What a MAJOR change that is as it is always hot by this time of the year. We usually have the heat wave by now. Matter of fact, We did had the heat wave the last 3 weeks as it was in 100's plus heat index and the high was 109 with heat index excedding over 110's. Damn! Brutually hot! Argh!

I am kinda glad it had cool down as I love cool weather as I can always sleep better in cool weather compare to hot weather I can't? :( Whooooooo Hooooooo.. Right now the temperature is only 68. I am LOVING it! :)

Good news! I finally get to sleep some this morning as I went to bed after 4 AM and woke up after 11 AM but I still need more sleep as I only had 16 hours of sleep the last 4 days. I will be ok- I hope! I am still sad but I will get thru this eventually one way or another with help. Sigh! :(


TJ will start school next week. He is looking forward going back to school and getting back in the routine. Hard to believe that Summer is almost over! I already saw the 7 sisters constellation coming up on the horizon so Fall is coming. I am so looking forward to Fall. Leaves changes colors and falling down. Beautiful sights to see! I can't wait to go sighseeing. :) Fall is my favorite season but not looking forward to my birthday, LOL.

I hope all of you have a wonderful Sunday wherever you are at. Have a great day!

As always,
Ginger :)

Reminder- Meteor Showers Perseids this week!

COUNTDOWN TO THE PERSEIDS: The annual Perseid meteor shower peaks one week from today, on Tuesday, August 12th. The best time to look is during the dark hours before dawn on Tuesday morning when forecasters expect 50 to 100 meteors per hour. Get away from city lights if you can; plan a camping trip! The darker the sky, the more meteors you will see.

The source of the Perseids is Comet Swift-Tuttle, which has littered the August portion of Earth's orbit with space dust. The dusty zone is broad and Earth is already in its outskirts. As a result, even before the peak on August 12th, you may see some "early Perseids" streaking across the night sky. Photos of these early arrivals will be featured in the days ahead on http://Spaceweather.com as part of our full coverage of the Perseid meteor shower.

----------------------

This is the best week to view the meteor shower so mark on the calendar! :)

NEVER GROWING OLD

~ Welcome to Heartwarmers ~
http://www.heartwarmers.com
The best thing to happen to mornings since the Sun!

Your morning thought for the day:
There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart.
-- Celia Thaxter


None of us are getting any younger, that's for sure. But our
memories -- particularly memories of our summers when we were kids --
can work wonders. Nothing can stop us from being young at heart!
When you read Kathy's story today, you'll no doubt think back
to special times when summers seemed endless and there was always an
adventure around every corner. (What? You didn't have video games
and couldn't text your friends? Oh no!)

Meanwhile, we'll be sending our publications during the day on
Wednesday, rather than Tuesday evening, to prevent them from getting
lost in the all of the overnight junk email. Hopefully, you'll be
able to find us a littler easier in the future.

____________________________________________

NEVER GROWING OLD
by Kathy Whirity

It was a question that had me asking a question of my own.
A recent article I read posed the question: If you could relive
a summer memory what would it be?
On this lazy summer's afternoon the musings of my middle age
mentality have me asking a question of my own. How can you choose
just one?
A trip down memory lane brought me back to a tree lined street
in the Roseland community -- a quaint and quiet neighborhood where we
lived until I was about 12 years old.
Across the railroad tracks from our home was an indoor pool. My
brothers, sister and I would often go swimming there.
One afternoon, as I ran across the tracks from the "Pump" as we
called it, I saw my dad in the backyard, the contents of a kiddie
pool strewn about the lawn.
Patience was not a virtue that my dad possessed, which is why
our pool was the only pool in the neighborhood whose liner was
clamped down with clothes pins.
When filled to the rim the shallow water reached right below my
knees. But it didn't stop us from splish-splashing away many hot
summer days.
My dad also loved having barbecues, though he was far from a
genius at the grill. He'd make a grand production but the result
would always yield the same result -- hamburgers the size and
consistency of charcoal and hot dogs that ended up resembling beef
jerky.
I do remember his milk shakes being the best. He'd dump a half
gallon of ice cream in the big green mixing bowl and add milk and
chocolate syrup. Then he'd mix it all with the hand mixer and ladle
it into the tall fancy glasses usually reserved for company. Dad
tried his best despite his dysfunction in cooking. And, besides, it
wasn't about the food as much as it was about the togetherness of
family.
Sunday mornings were always special when grandma spent the
weekend. She'd stand at the stove, in her flowered duster, and make
us German pancakes. They were crepes we'd spread with butter,
sprinkle with sugar, roll up and eat. They were so good!
It's been more than 40 years since I've tasted one of her
breakfast specialties, but all I have to do is close my eyes and I
can see her standing there at the stove. With that memory, the word
"comfort" food takes on a whole new meaning.
Long car rides were also an adventure we'd do as a family on
summer evenings. Our dad would do the driving while we kids would
sit in the back seat, with all the windows rolled down as our hair
would blow carefree in the soft, warm wind of the season. We'd cap
the evening off with a trip to the penny candy store where everything
really was a penny.
Many a mid summer's morning you could find mom standing at the
ironing board. She'd fill a Pepsi bottle with water and attach a big
plastic flower petal, with tiny holes, to the top of the bottle.
She'd sprinkle the clothes with water, wipe her brow with a hankie as
she'd continue pressing out the wrinkles on clothes, long before the
concept of permanent press apparel became popular.
Our bed time treat rarely varied. After baths were taken, mom
would place a pint of ice cream on the table. She always sliced it
into 4 perfect slices, one for each of us.
The question the author posed about choosing one memory to relive
has opened a flood gate of memories too many to choose from.
If I had a choice, I think I'd rather opt for one more day to
spend with my family in that house on 104th place in Roseland. To
smell the Lillies of the Valley that grew wild and untouched in the
front yard. To catch lightning bugs in the backyard and bike ride
around the block, with my little brother teasing me and my friends
because we couldn't leave the block.
What I wouldn't give, as an adult, to sit on the old back porch
and sip a milk shake my dad had made especially for me.
To laugh with my grandma and to have a chat with my mom -- if
she could be as she was and I could be who I am now. (I'd have a lot
of thanking to do.)
It's a gift to reclaim a sense of our summer's youth. While we
can't relive the past, it's a blessing to know, that through
memories, we never really grow old.

-- Kathy Whirity

____________________________________________
Kathy is a newspaper columnist who shares her sentimental musings on
family life. She is also a contributor to the Chicken Soup for the
Soul book series. She and her husband, Bill, live in Chicago. You
can visit her website at: http://www.kathywhirity.com
____________________________________________

RHAPSODY WITH THE PERFECT MATE

~ Welcome to Petwarmers ~
http://www.petwarmers.com


Since you're a Petwarmer reader, you'll get a kick out of
today's story. You can hear the violins and symphony in the
background! What better title than "Rhapsody with the Perfect Mate."
Thanks Lynn!
Meanwhile, we'll be sending our publications during the day on
Wednesday, rather than Tuesday evening, to prevent them from getting
lost in the all of the overnight junk email. Hopefully, you'll be
able to find us a littler easier in the future.

___________________________________________


RHAPSODY WITH THE PERFECT MATE
by Lynn Perrier

The feelings I felt for the new male in my life had not
diminished in the least, despite spending every day with him since
the beginning.
He moved in and never left. It was only supposed to be for a
short time. That's what I said in the beginning. Without wanting
to, I had fallen madly in love with him. After that, there was never
any question about him staying forever.
I languished in bed feeling like a Queen. There was no hurry, I
had no plans today which would take me outside my home. What a
wondrous feeling it is to share the morning with someone you love. I
reluctantly got up and put on my satin dressing gown as he watched me
silently. He loved when I wore that dressing gown.
With a look of utter content on his face he dozed off and
returned to dream land, his body limp and relaxed. Oh that
beautiful, exquisite body. Primitive in its desires yet
sophisticated in its demands. Sometimes I wanted the whole world to
see it. Most of the time, I wanted to keep it all to myself.
I bent over to give him one last kiss so I could absorb the
scent of his hair which would sustain me while I left him to do the
mundane acts associated with rising. Strange, I just realized that
no matter what time of the day or night it was, he always appeared
immaculate. No unkempt hair. Nothing out of place. To me, he was
always perfect.
I puttered around the kitchen like a regular little housewife.
To be honest, I have never been the domestic type. The humdrum
chores of being a home body had always bored me. I sensed that was
about to change. Now, for some reason it felt right.
He entered the room, hesitated and watched me from the doorway.
A combination of scrutiny and devotion radiating from his face as he
stood there the picture of pride and masculinity. Ever curious, the
smell of the freshly brewing coffee must have urged him from the
seclusion of the bedroom.
Our relationship was not yet a year old and it got better with
each passing day. I was now at a point where I wasn't bashful about
anything when he was around. I knew no matter what I did, it
wouldn't make any difference to him. He would always love me.
We had never suffered through the initial stages of being
uncomfortable while getting to know each other. Always believing the
axiom "familiarity breeds contempt" I knew now there were exceptions.
This was my exception. What an incredible feeling -- one I had
seldom experienced always being aware of my appearance, my voice, my
perfume, my breath.
Those things we think of, when a relationship is in its infancy,
didn't matter. Not often had I come to this point. There had been
others but none that touched me the way he did. None that understood
me like he did. None that could anticipate my every move like he
did. He was very special.
The day moved in slow motion as I went about doing odd chores
around the place. We weren't expecting any visitors today so there
was no need for me to go shopping. In fact there was really no need
for me to do anything. The weather was miserable and raining. The
perfect day to relax and enjoy the company of a loved one.
I had picked up a book earlier in the week and decided this was
the day to start reading it. As I sat trying to concentrate, his
movement caused me to look up from the pages. Once again he came to
me slowly, deliberately like a lithesome spirit. I lost track of
time, lost in an embrace as I held him in my arms not wanting to let
go, even for a minute, his frenzied kisses covering my face.
In other relationships I had always been the giver, never the
recipient. This time it was different. I watched as he reclined on
the chesterfield oblivious to my observation. One of the qualities I
loved about him was his modesty. At no time did he act like he was
any different from the others. Yet he was. He wasn't demanding or
critical. He even liked my cooking. Never a day went by that he
didn't show me never ending affection.
I reluctantly got up to prepare a snack while he remained in his
position of ease. As usual he watched my every move. Sometimes he
made me feel like a movie star with his never ending scrutiny. This
is a relationship which will last forever.
I know in my heart I had finally found the perfect mate.
I called to him from the kitchen to share the latest sustenance.
As I set a midday snack of tuna down for him I said a little prayer
of thanks for having Toby in my life.
Listening with joy, as he purred in a rhapsody of pleasure, I
contemplated the exquisite sound a cat makes when it's happy.

-- Lynn Perrier

___________________________________________
Lynn is a motivational writer whose life has lead her down many paths
opening her mind and heart to the important things in life. With an
often humorous slant, her writing will leave you with food for
thought and a smile on your face especially the articles about her
cats. You can read more of her work online at
http://www.thecolumnists.com where she writes a regular column along
with other authors or her website http://www.tributememorial.net
___________________________________________


WOMAN, 97, SAYS CAT'S YOWLING SAVED HER FROM FIRE
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080802/ap_on_fe_st/odd_cat_hero

___________________________________________

GOLDEN RETRIEVER ADOPTS TIGER CUBS AT KANSAS ZOO
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080731/ap_on_fe_st/odd_adopted_tigers

___________________________________________

only 4 hours of sleep .. in the last 48 hours.

Right now it is almost 5:30 AM and I am surfing online- Thinking of the asshole make me finally cry. My heart is broken in million pieces. I only had 4 hours of sleep the last 48 hours. I am fucking tired. Too many thoughts went thru my mind as I laid in my bed. I can't think as too many things are jumbled all together at once. I can't sleep. It fucking hurts. Fuck him. Dammit. So hence why I am online surfing. sighs.

When he asked me to leave- What was I fucking suppose to think? If he had told me in first place but If he said he and ex both are friends? Why do I have to leave? Of course It's suspicious as he have had something to hide and wouldn't tell me the truth? It hurts when he asked me to leave. He said due to drama? I believe that Honesty is the best policy as I have always said in first place as I don't tolerate liars nor head games. I don't deserve being fucking lied to or treated disrespectfully. Don't you agree with that?

I have tried to figure it out why it hurts? After talking to someone- it all made sense to me. It is because I put my trust in him and he violated it. By not being honest with me and make me feel like he don't respect me at all. You know what I think of him? He is thoughtless, inconsiderate and disrespectful. I fucking deserve better than that. I don't forgive people because I am weak. I forgive them because I'm strong enough to know people make mistakes. I am not fucking ready to forgive him. Not now. Maybe later when I am strong enough.

He shouldn't be anyone special to me, He is just another guy. He shouldn't lead me on especially if it's a lie, one day it's love the next day it's done. He hurt me too much to be the one. Why? I know I will never get any answer out of this! This fucking sucks!

Damn this as I am typing- my eyes are pouring out. Finally I am crying. I couldn't cry yesterday. Why not? Is it because I am numb or what? Or maybe I have too much of my pride? Or maybe it's because I went thru so much so I don't cry anymore. I have went thru it so MANY times. I have lost count. I don't know. It's weird I can cry at the movies but I can't cry when something bad happened to me? I guess I am like a robot. I do know that I have lot of holes in my heart. Nothing can fill the void. No wonder I am depressed. Not just that but I do have anxiety attack and panic attack. I may have PTSD due to painful experiences. Go figures!

I wrote a draft- it is not that great but that's how I feel.

It hurts.


every time my heart beat it hurts.
that it feel like im dying..
i'm carrying lot of pains inside.
oh it hurts so badly..

I am sinking into darkness- no where to go ..
I want to die... so badly that it hurts
I am so confused that I am losing my mind.
every time my heart beat it hurts.

i need to be set free of the pains.
I kept thinking why?
I have run out of answers.
I guess i will never know.

Oh why does it hurt so much???



I guess I will have to deal with this one day at a time. As hard as it is- I gotta get thru this maybe with help and there is always tomorrow. New day- New Beginning. So Whatever. I guess I will look back and laugh at this. This is nothing. LOL. I guess there is a hope inside me. :\

Drama, Drama.. Jeez !

Sorry I haven't been blogging in a while. I have been away from the computer as you can see. I have been away from home too long. I have been staying at my ex's mom's house then ex's apartment. Guess what? More drama .. neverending in my life.. when can it end? Fuck this.

It was a wild night because of drama that went on. So I stayed up till 7 am. Finally we went to bed but woke up after 9 am due to that someone showing up AGAIN. More Drama! I am fucking tired! I just got home and is unhappy. It hurts. No I am not ok but even more I am PISSED off! Fuck this. Pardon my language. I even hit my hand on the cabinet and it was bleeding. LOL. It didn't hurt, believe it or not. hahaha! I guess I am numb right now but I don't frankly give shit at all. LOL.

Drama, Drama. Blah Blah! Fuck this. I really am sick of this. This happened before so this is twice that it happened. Jeez. Men sucks, really. It is a fact of life. What can I say? Shit!

I am gonna say.. Fuck this..I know. I said it alots but I had to say it. If you don't like it then don't read my blog for all I care! If you are still reading...
Oh yeah.. While I was driving home I did felt like driving fast and hit the tree and end my life right there.. but I can't.. I have TJ to think of.. So I'm not gonna do this but it hurts, dammit!

Why? I know I will never get any fucking answer out of this! This fuckin sucks! :( Damn this as I am typing- my eyes are burning and trying to fight the tears not to let come out. I can't cry. Why not? Is it because I am numb or what? jeez. But you know what? I have to stay strong because TJ need me and he will be here tomorrow.. I hope I can make it thru the night.. Oh man. shit.

And this is not all. Yesterday was the annivesary of my cousin Crystal's Death. It's been 15 years since she have been gone. She is forever missed dearly. I can't believe it's been that long already. As it seems like yesterday when she had passed away from the freak accident. I really wish she is here as she is my best friend, my childhood playmate, like sister, and more to me. I wish she is not gone because I really needed her so much at this shitty time. :(

You know what, Ok.. Actually I can't deal with this so I'm gonna stop for now, ok.

Cya around...